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Life Lesson

Inner Conversation



As humans, irrespective of where we were raised; there is a culture of prejudice, hate and blame that follows us at some point of our lives. We are born into families, communities and even countries that may fail us in one way or another. As we grow older, about 80% of us get trapped in the box of victimization. A victim by definition is someone who has been hurt, harmed, or tricked. At one point or so in our lives we will be “victims”. We live in an environment where evil is recycled every day. No one is born evil, same as no one is born perfect. The societies in which we are born teach us what to tolerate and what not to tolerate. Children emerge into the world unafraid, with an innocent creative mind ready to explore the world. However before they go through adolescence, they learn fear then creativity alongside innovation disappears.

I am a Cameroonian. In my life so far, I have encountered a lot of self labeled “victims”. Heck i used to be one. I have seen women endure physical abuse from boyfriends and even their husbands. It is distasteful that they find consolation in putting on the “victim” label and staying under that abuse. Students are condoning sexual molestation from lecturers. We use our complexions, our nationality, our genders, our heights, educational background, handicap and our religion as posters on our foreheads justifying why we are victims. Sometimes we play the victim card to feel good about ourselves and avoid taking responsibility for our lives. It has been psychologically proven that persons who endure continuous abuse teach themselves to love the abuse as a coping mechanism.

We grow up blaming everyone but ourselves for our choices. This is bitter to swallow. Trust me, I would know. For many years I played the victim card. Get over it. Whether you believe it or not; what you have to be and can be is totally up to you.

Do not be surprised your whole life can float right before your eyes with you fighting to decide who is to blame. 

Families are falling apart; relationships are broken daily; our nation cannot grow because it is easier pointing fingers than taking responsibility. If what is most important to you is deciding who gets the blame or who is wrong, then you get my pity vote…yes my pity vote. People, who gladly want to be victims, hold pity as trophies. I do not know what you have been through in your life. I do not know who hurt or wronged you.You may not have deserved it, but it happened. It is okay to cry, it is okay to hurt; that shows you are human. I woke up years ago to realize everyone was moving on, but I was left behind at the same spot because I was holding on to my excuses and blames as an anchor. After realizing I was responsible for my life, and that no one could victimize we without my consent; I transitioned from victim to survivor. It was difficult, because for the first time I had to take responsibility for my decisions and decision I permitted others to make for me.

 Victims will breed criminals, rapists, corruption and even murderers. We see this every day. People justify robbery, murder, rape, and even human trafficking by using the Victim clause. Oh I have to rob because the government does not give us jobs, or we are stealing what has been stolen from us. Oh I rape women because my mother abused me or my mother did not love me.I am treating my partner badly, because some girl broke my heart fifteen years ago. Why should i send my child to school, my parents did not send me to school? I can never do anything for Cameroon because it did nothing for me. Why should I give a student and A grade? If my teachers at University of Yaounde had given me an A grade, I could have gone further in life than this.  And so it goes, and evil is recycled every day. 

Survivors can break that cycle. A survivor realizes that the person that hurt them had a choice and chose what was wrong. The fact that someone made a bad choice in dealing with me does not compel me to do the same in dealing with others. A survivor is a rape victim who goes out to teach others how they can avoid situations where they can get raped or get help if they are raped. A survivor is woman who decides to be free of a physical abusive relationship and decides she will make sure no woman she knows should endure the same. A survivor is a kid raised in an abusive home who becomes a loving and receptive parent. A survivor is someone who serves a jail term and comes out determined to start new and help youths stay out of crime. 

Believe it or not we are more drawn and committed to helping people and communities we can identify with. Our suffering opens our eyes to the suffering of others. If you have worn my shoes, you definitely know where it pinches. Let your predicaments in life give you a voice and not take away your voice instead. It is easier being a victim than a survivor. Sometimes the demons you leave behind will come knocking on your door. To create a better Cameroon, and beat this economy; we need survivors and not victims. I wake up every day of my life fired up with new energy, because I am a survivor and not a victim. Are you a victim or a survivor? I am a survivor and this is my voice...
love you...God bless Cameroon! God bless the world!

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